Love connects us all. Whether we like somebody or not, we are connected to them through love. The love that connects us knows no limits. We don’t have to be in the same room or same country as a person to love them. We can love people while they are awake or asleep, alive or dead. Such is the capacity of love. We love all the time. We are loved all the time. We are beings in love.
Sometimes we forget about that. Sometimes we think that love is a delicate and rare commodity, that we can give and withhold it according to our moods. We think it comes and goes, that it happens to some people and not to others. When we think that way, we worry that it might not happen to us. We worry that we can lose love. We feel separate, alone, unloved, unlovable. That is confusion.
When we find somebody special to love, who loves us, we fall in love. That feels great. It is hard to know though how the other person experiences love. We may feel intense love and begin to doubt if they feel the same. That feels awful. Then they say something or do something that confirms how they feel. That feels great. Then we worry that something might have changed, or doubt their motives. That feels awful again. Then they reassure us that they love us and we feel great again. That checking, checking, checking, can be exhausting. It can get in the way of recognizing the love that carries on, unphased with those ups and downs.
Figuring out how to love and who to love is part of what we do. Loving beings is what we are. It is helpful to remember that whether we are in-love or not, we are in love. Being aware of that, feeling the comfort and peace that comes with that recognition is always a nice place to be. Being around people who help us to recognize where we are is also wonderful.
The way to get over a broken heart is to find somebody new to love. The problem with finding somebody new to love when your heart is broken, is that you don’t feel like loving when you are suffering. You are still occupied with loving the person who broke your heart. When you experience such intense pain, the last thing you want to do is fall in love again. When your heart aches, it’s hard to imagine loving in a way that won’t lead right back to that pain. Even if you were to meet your soul mate while you are nursing a broken heart, you wouldn’t recognize them because when you are feeling that bad, you don’t know your own soul.
To find somebody new to love, you have to look into your own soul. You have to see who and what you are. You have to look with the eyes of pain, and see what hurts and why. There is no better time to look into your soul than when it is torn wide open. When it seems you have lost everything that you thought you had, everything that you thought you were, you can get a clear view of what you are. What you are is hurting. You are also compassionate. The compassionate side of you looks into the hurting side of you and wants to make it feel better. When you recognize your compassionate side, recognizing your hurting side, you begin to get to know your soul again. If you get a good glimpse of your soul, you will have found somebody new to love. It’s not some random stranger sweeping you off your feet. It is your new self.
When the new person that you find to love is the new you, you don’t have to worry about future heartbreaks. You won’t have to protect your heart from future love. If your soul mate walks into your life you will recognize them, because you have recognized your soul.
When you recognize your compassionate soul, you may recognize many soul mates. Whenever you see another person suffering, your compassionate soul will be able to see into that suffering and recognize a kindred spirit. All that compassion will mend your broken heart. When you practice loving yourself and others who are suffering, you learn to love again. When suddenly you find yourself in love again, with someone new, you know you are over your broken heart.
When you go through this process with awareness, your heart doesn’t harden to become unbreakable in case it falls, it softens, so it can bounce. It lightens, so it can float.
When a relationship ends with heartbreak, for whatever reason, that heartbreak is like a fire burning down the house of the relationship. Once we become aware of the fire, our tendency is to run through the house, gathering the valuables, our self-esteem, trust, hope, while the flames consume us. It is hard to go about our daily lives while we are standing in the middle of the fire.
The fire doesn’t begin at the end of the relationship. The end of the relationship beings with the fire. For a while we are able to ignore the burning, but as the pain mounts, we notice that the person we built our lives with is not the person we thought they were. We are not the person we thought we were either. That life that we imagined for ourselves is not happening. It is natural to want to save ourselves, to salvage our illusion. The illusion will not survive the fire. We cannot escape the fire, all we can do is watch it burn. That is heartbreak. It hurts, a lot.
When we face the pain, feel the burn, we begin to care for ourselves in the midst of the fire. The fire cleans up everything around us. We can see that the most essential valuables are impervious to flame. When our illusions are gone, we see our own strength. We see that we were able to love. We can see that we were loved. We can see our capacity for love has grown in the fire. Our hearts are not hardened by the heat, but exposed. Those who love us deeply are still there with us. Those we love are still there. The future that burned up was never anything more than a mirage. The only thing we miss is an illusion. When we recognize that, we emerge from the ashes.
When our illusions are gone, we cast no blame, we have no cause for self-reproach. We go on with our newfound wisdom, grateful for the cleansing flames, nurturing our tender, indestructible heart, practicing compassion for those still standing in the flames.
It is important to always remember the meaning of your life. Life’s meaning is different for everybody, but if you don’t know the meaning of your life, you will be prone to suffering. Even if you know the meaning of your life, you will be prone to suffering. If the purpose of your life is to reduce suffering in yourself and others, then suffering and understanding suffering brings meaning, reduces suffering and fulfills your purpose.
If you don’t know the purpose of your life, or think life has no meaning, then try to see what meaning you have created for your life. If you have thoughts and feelings, they arise in relation to the meaning you have created for yourself. Because your thoughts and feelings come from your meaning, following them will point you to the meaning you use for your life. If you notice that you are sad, look into the sadness to see where it comes from. If you are afraid, look into the fear to see what it means. If you are angry, ask you anger how it is helping you fulfill your life’s purpose.
Emotions and feelings wouldn’t happen without meaning. If you are happy, things seem right, if your are afraid, things seem wrong. Right and wrong, good and bad, only exist in relation to a deeper meaning.
If you don’t immediately understand or can’t articulate the deeper meaning of your life, you can create one. When you are feeling calm and wise, ask yourself what the meaning of life should be. Are you here to hurt people or help people? Are you here to create happiness or fear? Are you meant to live in peace or turmoil? Are you made for love or indifference? When you come up with an approximate meaning for your life, then you can use your emotions to illuminate and explore it.
As you explore and live your meaningful life, your meaning will change. As you participate in that change, you can create the meaning that you need to shine.