B.E. N.I.C.E.

If you find yourself in conflict with another person, you can indulge the conflict with your normal, instinctual habits and let it distress you, or you can bring compassion to the conflict, and by so doing, help yourself and possibly the other person. All you have to do is remember to BE NICE.

Breathe. Engage in the present moment. Notice what you are feeling. Imagine what the other person is feeling. Compassionately look for the cause and possible solutions to the problem. Enact what might help.

Breathing allows you to begin the process of taking control of the situation and not getting carried away with the situation.

Engaging in the present moment brings your conscious awareness to help you reassess the situation, with calmness and wisdom,

Noticing what you are feeling allows you to recognize your emotional state so that it can help you instead of interfering with the conflict.

Imagining what the other person is feeling, lets you look at both sides of the conflict and practice your empathy skills. It is important to remember that it is impossible to know exactly what the other person feels, but you can make a good guess with your imagination.

Compassionately looking into the cause and solutions to the problem, allows you recognize the suffering in yourself and the other person or people that the conflict is causing and remembering that you want to skillfully reduce suffering for everybody. As you look deeply with compassion, you don’t blame, but accept what is happening, and may see an available course of action.

Enact what might help. If you see a resolution to the conflict, you do it. It may be as simple as saying sorry, or accepting an apology. It could be learning to live with differences as you continue to look for solutions. With whatever action you choose, enacting it finishes the encounter and allows you to put it behind you, or at least put it away until you are ready to address it again.

If you cannot remember to BE NICE, you can always just try to be nice.


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