Do You Hate Yourself?

I feel bad for people who hate themselves, because they are really stuck with themselves. I tend to avoid people who I hate. Although, when that is impossible, I can really learn a lot from them.  I don’t learn much about them, but about me.

What is it that makes me hate?  Usually it is something trivial, like beauty or noise.  Somebody may clash with my sense of aesthetics. More often it is aggressiveness and anger that makes me feel hatred.  I hate being accused of things, blamed for things, not being appreciated.

But what if you hate yourself? What do you do?  I suppose there are a few options.  One thing you can do is to learn all about hate.  You have a constant subject of study.  24 hours a day, you can learn the ins and outs of hatred.  Although tiring, it could be fascinating.  Of course, if you were so fascinating to yourself, the hatred would likely lift and you would lose your subject.

To hold onto that hatred and feel the energy of self hatred, you would probably need to avoid really getting to know yourself.  You would have to look at each aspect of yourself with extreme prejudice. You would have to define hatred with your own image. Only then could you really stay with the hatred.

The bad news is, even with that focused self loathing, if you get right to the heart of hate,  you will find love. That would totally burst your bubble. The jig would be up. So it is best to stay on the surface and not hate yourself with any kind of focus.

The best thing to do, if you really hate yourself, is to meditate.  Meditate a lot.  If you do not like meditation, then this would be a good way to punish yourself.  If you don’t regularly meditate, meditation can be really boring. This is one of the cruelest things you could do to yourself, to sit without interruption with your suffering. Unfortunately, the suffering of meditation will soon pass too. It is not sustainable. You cannot be discouraged though by the pleasure and joy that seeps into your boredom, you must keep at it.  Eventually, when you have meditated long enough, your self will disappear. You will be done with your nemesis. Mission accomplished.

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