If you want to find yourself, you can start by looking for your ego. Your ego is only difficult to find because it is what you use to look for it. If you are looking for your ego, you are seeing it. If you cannot see it, then you are seeing it. You can tell that you are seeing your ego if you are anxious, scared, sad, depressed, lonely, angry, frustrated or proud. If you are thinking something is good or bad, right or wrong, comfortable or uncomfortable, that is your ego passing judgements. Your ego constructs itself with every thought and feeling, so it seems to be just you, which makes it hard to see.
Your Self is not concerned with good and bad, beautiful and ugly, right and wrong. Your Self is just buzzing along with the bees enjoying the experience of being alive and aware. Your Self is fine whether your ego is sobbing or laughing, angry or anxious. That’s why it’s nice to find your Self. Living the life of an ego can be thrilling, but tiresome. Just being your Self is refreshing. It takes care of all the ups and downs of your ego.
Finding yourself is finding your ego. That is what makes you uniquely you, with your particular worries and joys. When you find your ego, constantly pretending to be all of you, judging you and others as though you could be anything but just right, you see that the ego is only a bunch of thoughts, feelings and ideas. When you practice watching your ego, by watching your thoughts, feelings, judgements, and beliefs, you see that your awareness pokes holes in the ego’s cloak. The light of your true Self shines through those holes. When you find your ego, you can see the holes and the whole. It’s just right there, just right, there.