One sign of our confusion is that we believe in the notion that love hurts. Love, however, is not what hurts. Love feels great. Love lifts us up and connects us to the joy of living. Love heals.
Life hurts. Many of the things we do in the name of love cause us pain. It is not the love that causes us pain, it is our disconnection from the love that hurts. When we think we are hurting from love, we hurt from other things. If we can put all of those other things aside and focus on feeling love, we can make sense of the hurt.
When it feels like you are hurting from love, focus your mind and look into the pain. Instead of imagining that love is hurting, look into the usual suspects, fear, loneliness, sadness, anger, loss or uncertainty. These are the feelings that hurt. Love is what makes all of these feelings bearable.
We like to put love into a little box, like it is a special connection between two people. I love you. You love me. We love each other. Everything is perfect. In that view, love is like an electrical circuit. When it is complete, the light goes on. With that view of love, there will be lots of things that can interfere with the circuit, causing shocks and pain and leaving people in the dark.
Love is your life force. It is the air you breathe. It is the sun in the sky. It is the light from within you. If you are hurting because somebody that you love is not returning your text, you are hurting from insecurity, impatience, or wanting love to be something much smaller that it is. If you are hurting because you have lost love, again you are hurting from the sense of loss, not the love. The love is still there. It’s in you.
When you want to sort out the hurt from the love, breathe into the pain and see the thoughts that come with the pain. When you have explored the pain long enough, breathe it all out and imagine love. Think of times you have been filled with love. Think of love without self, like the love of a pet. When you have evoked a feeling of love, it will comfort your pain.
True love is not happily ever after. True love encompasses everything. You don’t need a perfect somebody else to practice feeling love. Practice feeling love. It can’t hurt.