When life hurts so much that death seems like a welcome option, I hope you don’t take matters into your own hands. If you have determined that death is the best option for you, you should seek a second opinion. You should seek the opinion of somebody close to you. Seek the opinion of a person who will carry your pain for you.
If you are carrying such pain, you would not willingly pass that pain on to somebody else. You never asked for the pain, but it was given to you. Your lot is to transform that pain. Transforming pain is possible. It is a full time occupation. Each moment you carry that pain, you change it a little. You should carry that pain for as long as you can. Use it to bring kindness and compassion into the world. Don’t let it turn into violence.
If you have been to the edge and have found a way back, you have invaluable insight. You know something about transforming pain. Please stick around and share your wisdom.