Suffering Drama

It is very difficult to write about me, because I am dull as doughnuts. What is interesting about me is all the things that happen to me and all the people around me. As I transition from a comfortable, generally predictable life in Canada to a comfortable, less predictable life in New Jersey, my life feels full of drama. From my point of view, I am the central character in this drama. I am also the audience. I have an inside view of my drama. I get 3-D, sense around sound, taste, touch and unfiltered emotional response to my drama. Then, I get a front row seat for all of the other dramas of the people I interact with everyday. Not only do I get a front row seat, I get to be part of the action of everybody’s drama.

The most compelling drama I witness everyday is suffering. All the characters around me and I are busy suffering. We each suffer and we witness each other’s suffering. We interact with each other and increase or reduce each other’s suffering intentionally and by accident, consciously, subconsciously, and unconsciously.  Consciously, I mostly try to reduce my suffering and the suffering of those around me. Sometimes my suffering is my priority, sometimes other’s suffering is my priority. Sometimes I cause suffering in the present to try to reduce suffering in the future. Sometimes I cause suffering in the future by trying to reduce suffering in the present. It is fairly haphazard how this works, because of the intentional/unintentional/conscious/unconscious dynamics.

I could write about all the specifics of everybody’s dramas, my suffering and my impression of others’ suffering, but that is gossiping. It causes suffering.  If I really had a separate individual self, I would be able to talk about my drama without causing additional suffering for those around me. Nobody likes having their suffering discussed in public, especially in writing. I assure you, we are all suffering in our own ways. We are all doing what we think is best to reduce the suffering in and around us. It makes for a compelling drama, except when I leave out all the particular circumstances. Have a doughnut.

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