When things hurt, it is a good time to figure out who you are. The problem with figuring out who you are when things are hurting, is that you will likely be telling yourself all kinds of misleading stories about yourself. Don’t believe everything you think. For example, if somebody betrayed you, you may think that you were stupid to trust that person. You may think that something in you invited the betrayal. You may think that you don’t matter. Any kind of thought like that is the kind of thought you shouldn’t believe. That kind of thinking is you adding to your betrayal by betraying yourself. To figure out who you really are, pay attention to your thoughts and notice if they are feeding your hurt or healing your hurt.
When you start to notice the thoughts that you have about yourself that are misleading, then you can start to see who you really are. To see who you are, pay attention to your feelings. If you are hurting, then you are somebody who hurts. That does not mean that you are weak or damaged, it means that you feel pain. It means that you deserve compassion and understanding. Until somebody comes and provides you with compassion and understanding, you can provide it to yourself. When you see that you deserve compassion and understanding, then you are beginning to see who you are.
When things hurt, you can see how brave and capable you are. When you focus on feeling what hurts and stop distracting yourself by criticizing yourself for getting hurt in the first place, then you will see that you can manage even the most difficult situation. You will see how much courage you have for facing your pain directly. When you see how brave and capable you are, you gain faith that you will make it through your experience intact. You can’t wish the hurt away, but if you pay close attention to your experience, you will learn who you are, and you will like who you become.